I Bid Farewell

It's been a little over a month since I last posted which I guess is telling. I'm finished with this blog. I've been sputtering for the last year, and now without my trusty sidekick Pinkie Leigh I have no desire to carry on. It's time for new adventures with my new partner in crime, Queenie.

I'm Selling My Life on Ebay

I have a friend who really wanted an iPad, so while she was recovering from surgery she started selling stuff on Ebay. She sold everything from high-end items like her Kindle to things I can't believe people paid money for, like half bottles of perfume. Her husband said she was wasting her time to which she replied she was stuck on the couch for six weeks so all she had was time. Not only did she make enough to buy herself an iPad, she bought Doubting Thomas one too.

So here I am doing the same. My goal is a little higher - because I like to make sure nothing I try to do is easy. I want a new laptop.

My plan was to get another Toshiba like Pinkie Leigh* but a younger and more beautiful - like a second wife. I meet a possible love match online, but I wasn't going to make that kind of commitment from just a picture and a carefully worded profile. No, I needed to meet my future wife/computer in person, so a lunch date was arranged.

Actually the lunch date was with Yankee, but afterward he took me to Best Buy. We checked out the laptops all dressed up in their finest hardware and software, flashing temptingly sexy low-cut prices, but my potential computer mate had evidently found someone better because she was no where to be seen. We could have asked one of the Best Buy matchmakers, but they were all talking to each other instead of paying attention to any potential clients. So we left and went to the new Peach Mac store.

Oh what a difference. If Best Buy was a crowded singles bar with a bunch of slutty computers trying to get our attention with revealing sales, then Peach Mac was a sophisticated martini bar with a few stunningly beautiful models who had people begging to get near them with no effort on their part. OK, there may have been some very subtle effort, but let me assure you none of it had anything at all to do with low prices.

Within seconds of walking in the door a Mac Matchmaker introduced me to a lovely 15 inch Macbook Pro, and it was love at first sight. I knew she was the one. It was very similar to falling in love with Yankee on our first date. Since that has worked out really well for the past 23 years, I have no doubts about making a commitment to this leggy computer.

The only problem is I have to sell twice as much stuff on Ebay. That is why you haven't seen much of me lately. It takes a lot of used shoes to equal one Macbook.


Would you like to know what the most common comment is when I tell someone this is my goal? You might think it would be something like How much have you sold? or What kind of computer are you getting? But actually the thing most people ask is What's going to happen to Pinkie Leigh? Way to make a girl feel guilty!

Important Driving Information

We spent four hours of a beautiful Mother's Day driving to and fro the University of Georgia to see Mr. Collegy and bring home the majority of his stuff to lighten Tuesday's load when he comes home for the summer. Yankee took the opportunity to give Hippie a few highway driving pointers for when she gets her driver's license in August.

• When you're traveling at a high rate of speed, don't swerve to miss something because you might cause the car to roll. If a deer runs out in front of you, you just have to hit it.*
  

• Don't drive in another car's blind spot.

• Avoid vehicles pulling a trailer, particularly a U-Haul, because they might not know how to control it.

• Stay far away from log trucks.

• And for god's sake, if you're going to drive in Alabama, don't.

*As you can imagine this bit of information went over really well with our vegetarian daughter.

Weigh Down Wednesday and News Junkie Fail

Clearly, someone else took this picture.

Sorry I'm a day late but you know there has been some big, big news this week! I lost half a pound. Oh, and Osama Bin Laden was killed.

You know how some husbands have hobbies like playing golf or collecting stamps? Well, my husband's hobby is collecting the news. He watches, reads or Googles the news almost constantly, so it's sort of embarrassing that someone else had to alert about two of the biggest news events of the past decade. Yankee's brother called us on 9-11. Mr. Collegy called us Sunday night to tell us Public Enemy Number 1 was dead.

We turned on CNN/ABC/CBS news to watch the events unfold just like most people. Some people decided they needed to get closer to the action, so they made their way to the White House. The large crowd stood around shouting USA! USA! and taking pictures. That lead to this conversation:

Cat: What are they taking pictures of?

Yankee: The White House?

Cat: Why? It's the same as it always.

Cat & Yankee (Simultaneously): Maybe they're waiting for a balcony kiss.

Weigh Down Wednesday and If Our House Were Bugged

I spent last week on the Norwegian Floating Feast Dawn,* but don't worry, I was very careful to keep up my diet. I started the morning with a full breakfast that always included chocolate croissants and extra crispy bacon. Since we didn't get up until ten or eleven, breakfast was closely followed by lunch and an all you can eat buffet. I sometimes enjoyed a nice afternoon Pina Colada. With my delicious dinners, I'd have a cocktail or two and of course, dessert.

Yankee went to the gym every afternoon in order to make up for the gluttony, so I used that quiet time to take a nap. The only exercise I did for five days was walk up and down the stairs instead of taking the elevator. What do I have to show for all this? One pound lost that's what!

Cat: I lost a pound on the cruise.

Yankee: It was all that extra sex.

Cat: Did you lose any weight?

Yankee: No.

Cat: So I need to have lots of extra sex, but you shouldn't have any? That is very interesting.

Yankee: I need to work on my theory and get back to you.

Thought you might want to see the sparkly shoes in action.

*I'm sure you're wondering how I could have possibly been on a Caribbean cruise and yet remain so white. Just a talent I have.

Weigh Down Wednesday and Picnicking with Skinny Eyes

It's Weigh Down Wednesday, and you might be saying to yourself, " Is Cat is wearing the exact same outfit as she was wearing last week? And is she standing in the same awkward position as last week?" Then you might scroll down to last weeks picture and agree with yourself that yes, everything looks exactly the same except for one big difference - she looks quite a bit slimmer. The diet must be going very well. Really, I haven't any idea if I lost or gained, but I'd put my money on a gain, because I am currently on a floating smorgasbord, otherwise known as a cruise, with Yankee.

Then why the big difference between last week and this? Own word. Picnik. Picnik is a web-based photo editor (and it is spelled with a K). You can use most of its basic features for free, but if you join, you can use the premium features: one of which is Insta-Thin - the miracle feature you can use to make yourself look like you drop 10 pounds in a week. What I'm hoping they work on next is Insta-Thin glasses. I can hand a pair to everyone I meet. No diet necessary!

Water for Elephants: A Book Review

I realize I'm very late to jump onto this circus train, but I finally read Water for Elephants. I've been looking at it on the Our Employees Recommend display at Barnes & Noble for a few years now, but just like going to the doctor for an achy hip, I didn't want to rush into anything. I'd like to point out that I married a man after dating him for exactly four months, but only spending 27 days of that four months actually with him. I guess I don't think I'll get lucky that way twice.

One reason I avoided the book was I was a little afraid it might be too sad* - it is about circus animals during the Depression. How cheerful could that be? But when it finally went down in price on Kindle, I bought it. Knowing that I got a bargain can bring a little joy to even the saddest story. The thing is, it isn't depressing at all. The author, Sara Gruen, an obvious animal lover, was able to tell a story that does include a cruel animal trainer in such a way that by the end the reader is actually happy.

The story is about a young man, Jacob, who is about to finish vet school when his parents die in an accident. He is left with nothing and literally runs away with the circus. The interesting twist is that it is told by the same man seventy-one years later when he is living in a nursing home. Gruen develops both Jacobs - the naive twenty-two year old and the grouchy 93 year old - into very likable heroes. I cheered for him when he tried to make the circus life better for the animals and when he tried to get some non-gelatin based food at the nursing home.

When a circus sets up in the parking lot next to the nursing home, all of the memories of his first days with the Benzini Brothers Circus flood back to him. The young Jacob jumps a train which turns out to be the Benzini Brothers circus train and gets hired because he is an Ivy League vet which is better than the plan old regular vet Ringling Brothers has. No matter that he didn't graduate. The circus has a long tradition of making extraordinary claims. He quickly falls for the beautiful liberty horse woman, Marlena who is most unfortunately already married to the head animal trainer, August.

The story follows the trails of Jacob as he tries to make a better life for the animals, including the newly acquired elephant, Rosie, while trying to avoid the wrath of August. The intertwining story of Jacob as an old man who excitedly awaits a visit to the circus that sets up in the parking lot next to the nursing home is almost as interesting as the story of him in the circus.

I love this woman's style of writing. It is clean and clear. She describes the scenery and events, in a way that I feel like I'm there witnessing them myself, but she never flowery or overwrought. I read the interview of her at the end of the story and found out she was a technical writer for many years. Evidently, they have to avoid all extraneous words in technical writing because it is so expensive to translate them. I believe she brought this same judicial use of words with her into fiction writing.

This story has it all: action, adventure and romance. Okay maybe not everything - somehow it survives without the seemingly required vampires and zombies in most popular books. It has been made into a movie staring Robert Pattinson in which he will be playing a normal person without any magical powers. Unless, of course, some movie executive got his way:

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

*Sara Gruen has a new book out called Ape House which I recently passed on buying because I thought it might be depressing.